"Help us prepare him for school"

The first day in class can be daunting for both you and your child. Clinical psychologist Dr Helen Likierman helps one couple get their son ready

Published 23 Jul 2008
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The problem

Emma and James Cunningham have three children: Kai, four, Keira, two and Corey, eight months. Kai is due to start school in September, and Emma and James want to prepare him.

James says: “Kai’s lovely but also very lively. We can’t imagine how he’ll sit still in assembly, not interrupt the teacher and so on. It’s also going to be a real effort to get everybody ready and out of the house each morning!”

Emma says: “I’m feeling emotional about my first baby ‘flying the nest’ and I’m also worried because we’ve only just moved to our village. All the other children know each other — I don’t want Kai to feel like an outsider at his school.

Dr Helen Likierman

Dr Helen Likierman

clinical psychologist, author and mum of two

The advice

Helen says: "James and Emma’s anxieties are very normal, and there are lots of things they can do to prepare Kai."
  1. Stay positive
    Don’t let Kai see you’re anxious, as he’ll think there’s something to worry about. This also goes for the things you say — for example, don’t ask “Are you afraid you won’t make friends?”, as you’ll put ideas into his head.
  2. Visit the school
    Set up a visit to the school with Kai and talk lots about what goes on inside.
  3. Do some role play
    Prepare by playing schools at home, for example, by using soft toys or dressing up. Let Kai lead so you can see if he has any wrong ideas about school and put them right. Talk about how he’ll sit during story time and practise things like holding a pencil and going to the toilet alone.  
  4. Meet other parents
    Try to get to know parents of other children going to the school. If you know them, it’ll be easier to sort out any problems.
  5. Watch his behaviour
    Watch Kai at his playgroup to see how well he follows instructions, plays with others and so on, or ask playgroup staff.
  6. Read stories
    A bedtime story with Mum or Dad will help get Kai ready for reading. Talking about the story with Kai will help his speech development, and his language skills will improve if you repeat back anything he pronounces wrongly in the correct way.
  7. Start routines
    It will help Kai if you put routines in place before term starts. Begin with bedtime. Evening needs to be a wind-down time. Aim for lights out at 7.30pm — this can be put forward or back depending on what time you find you have to get up when school starts! Once that’s mastered, tackle the morning routine.
  8. Give some praise
    Reward charts work well with this age group, so reward Kai with stickers on a chart for behaving well in the run-up to school.

Here's how they got on

Family diary 

DAY ONE: Staying calm

Emma: I’ve been thinking for a while that it’s going to be a nightmare to get Kai to school on time every day, but hadn’t actually done anything about it, so Helen’s advice about routines was great. She also brought home to me the point about not transferring my anxieties about it to Kai.Kai and his dad reading together

James: I think four is terribly young to start school and I’m not sure any child’s ready for it, let alone Kai, so I’m pleased we’re doing the challenge.

DAY THREE: Bedtime routine

Emma: We have been working hard on the bedtime routine for the last two evenings. I gave Kai ticks on the reward chart for each thing he did well. Our routine is tea at 4pm, followed by wind-down time with a bit of TV, a bath at 6pm, a story at 7pm and lights out by 7.30pm. Both nights he’s been asleep by 8pm, which I think will work well.

DAY FOUR: Let’s pretend

Emma: We have spent some time playing schools, looking at books and drawing. Kai doesn’t seem to have any wrong ideas about school, and he’s very positive. I think he understands that all his friends at playgroup will start school with him and he’s keen to do something he thinks is grown-up.Kai with paper and crayons at the table  

James: Emma was at work tonight so I tried to follow the bedtime routine but it was a nightmare — Corey has an ear infection and cried all evening and I didn’t get the other two to bed until after 9pm. Thank goodness we’ve got time to practise before we have to do it for real!

DAY FIVE:  Visiting the school

Emma: I’ve set up a school visit for next Monday, which Kai is really looking forward to. The school is the only one in the village and I’ve never actually been inside it, so I’m keen to see it, too! I’ve been finding it quite difficult to do the bedtime story every night — it’s just the time when the baby needs attention. But I always read with the children during the day, and as Corey gets older it will be easier to do at night.  

DAY SEVEN: Mums’ night out

Emma: Kai actually asked to go to bed last night at 7.30pm, which was amazing. He also got two stickers for being extra good because he did the routine really well.  I’ve been making an extra effort to get to know Kai’s classmates. We went to the park today with one of his friends, and we’re going for Sunday lunch with four other families in a couple of weeks. We’re also having a mums’ night out, which should be fun.

DAY EIGHT: Lots of stickers

James: We went to a barbecue at a friend’s house today, and all the children behaved brilliantly. Kai was especially polite and I was really proud of him. He reached five stickers on the chart and got a chocolate bar as a reward.Kai and his reward chart  

DAY TEN: A successful school visit

Emma: We visited the school today and it was fantastic! I had to take all the children in the end because my mum was unable to babysit, but it worked out fine. Kai saw the classrooms and played in the playground. I think he was worried everyone would be bigger than him, but when he got into reception he realised that wasn’t the case.  Now he says he can’t wait to go! The teachers were lovely and meeting them has put my mind at ease.

DAY TWELVE: Good behaviour

James: I’ve managed to read to Kai at bedtime twice during the challenge, but I would like to do it much more, as I’ve really enjoyed it. Generally, Kai’s behaviour has really improved, so it’s definitely been worth it. 

DAY FOURTEEN: Looking forward to school

Emma: I’m thrilled with the way the challenge has gone. The only thing I haven’t done is talk to the playgroup staff because it’s so difficult with the other two children around. But they’re having a parents’ evening soon, so I’ll have an opportunity to do it then. It’s great Kai’s really looking forward to school and I’m no longer dreading September!

The verdict

Helen says: “James and Emma have done extremely well, and Kai is well on his way to being fully prepared for school. The fact that he now can’t wait to go to school is great, as it’s helped them to relax too. It would be good if James could help Emma with the bedtime story, which will give Kai important reading skills, and also help him with maths by introducing comparison words such as ‘longer’ and ‘shorter’.”

Find out more

  • Parentline Plus
    www.parentlineplus.org.uk
    0808 800 2222

  • Parents’ Centre
    www.parentscentre.gov.uk

  • Top Tips for Starting School by Dr Helen Likierman and Dr Valerie Muter (£6.99, Vermilion)

    Get involved

    If you have a parenting problem and would like to take part in ‘Challenge Family’, contact us.

Words: Kate Ashley. Pictures: Teresa Cottrell