How to raise confident girls

Boost your child’s confidence with these inspiring tips from parenting expert and mum-of-two Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer

Published 01 Apr 2008
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Have faith Girls tend to work hard to please and do well, yet still suffer self-doubt — so reward any sense of curiosity and adventure and ask her if she’s pleased with what she’s done, so she learns to trust herself and not to rely on your praise. “I encourage my girls to make choices and follow their instincts, and never put them down if they make a mistake.”

Minakshi, mum of Aariel, 7, and Analiese, 8

Precise praise Tell her exactly what she’s done well, so that she’ll know it was due to her effort and wasn’t a fluke.
Let her go it alone Don’t mollycoddle her — self-esteem is based on her own capability and competence. “Darcy used to cling on to me for dear life at playgroup. One day I tried reversing our roles, saying with a smile, ‘I’m not going to let you go!’ She was soon giggling, saying, ‘Leave me alone, Mummy!’.” 

Sue, mum of Jamie, 5, and Darcy, 4

Stay positive Be impressed by how she approaches tasks, solves problems, takes risks or learns from her mistakes.
Concentrate on strengths Try not to compare your child with her siblings or friends. Instead, realise that they have their own strengths and weaknesses. “Lily is an extrovert who loves sport and drama, while Rosie is quiet and prefers drawing. We encourage different hobbies and activities to suit their individual abilities.”

Sarah-Jane, mum of Lily, 9, and Rosie, 7

Focus on her personality Speak well and often of her qualities and preferences, so she knows it’s who she is inside that counts, and not how she looks or her list of achievements.

Decisions, decisions Help her to know and trust herself by inviting her to make her own choices and express her opinions. Try allowing her to pick a bedtime story, or choose something new for tea at the supermarket. “Twice a week, the girls decide how we should spend the afternoon. We always have a great time. We usually end up at an indoor soft-play centre or take our bikes to the park. Sometimes, we just get the bus into town and go for a cake.”

Sam, mum of Honey, 8, Betsy, 6, and Gracie, 3

Welcome individuality Accept her just as she is, whether she wants everything pink or prefers only ‘boys’ toys’. She wants to know that you love her for herself.


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Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer

Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer

Child development and behaviour expert, parenting counsellor and mum of two, Elizabeth is also the author of many parenting books.