Yes, toddlers can be rather trying at times, but shows of defiance and saying "no" are all signs that he’s growing up into a healthy, happy little person in his own right. As his unique personality starts to shine through, you can start to really have fun with your child.

Starting to say "no"

“From the moment my daughter discovered how to say "no", our lives changed,” says Sarah, mum of 19-month-old Lucy, from Manchester. “She’d stand there, shaking her finger, saying, ‘No, no, no, no!’ It was hilarious, but very frustrating. The trickiest thing was cleaning her teeth as she’d refuse to open her mouth. Then we found a flannel tiger puppet and Lucy decided she was happy to let the tiger clean her teeth. It’s worked ever since!”

'Me do it!' is another top toddler catchphrase, most often used when you’re in a rush. Shoes, coats, even pushing the buggy – all have to be attempted, however fruitlessly. But no matter how big the temptation is to finish the job, let them feel a sense of achievement – then offer to help without taking over.

Her developing personality

“Jessica has always enjoyed dressing up,” says her mum Alison, from Chester. “When she was two, she started insisting on choosing all her own clothes, which wasn’t great when she wanted to wear T-shirts in winter. If I tried to make her wear something more suitable, she’d throw a tantrum. I started putting her jumper in her rucksack, and as soon as she felt cold she’d quietly slip it on. That way we were both happy.”

It’s great to see children’s personalities develop as they start to make choices, even if it does mean having to take your child shopping dressed as Spiderman or only giving him Tweenies-shaped spaghetti. The key is to let them make a few small decisions, so you can make the important ones.

Learning by repetition

Learning that they can express their feelings and needs through words is a big breakthrough for toddlers. At last, they can start to let you know what they’re thinking. It means there’s a lot of “I want!” and “Again, again!” though. Repetition helps your child’s brain to develop, which is worth remembering when your toddler demands you play pat-a-cake for the 15th time.

Children also love to learn by copying what they see and hear, which can you give an amusing insight into your own behaviour. “I spotted my 20-month-old daughter holding a toy phone to her ear, nodding and saying, ‘I see, aha, right, REALLY?’” says Caity’s mum, Tracey. “That’s what I must sound like – how embarrassing!”

Three-year-old Thomas, who has delayed development, likes watching Make Way For Noddy on TV and especially loves the catchphrase of the policeman. “My son now goes up to everyone, even strangers, and shouts, ‘Stop! In the name of Plod!’” laughs Sue from Swansea. “We’ve had some very surprised looks!”

Playing with your toddler

The fun really starts when your toddler’s imagination takes off. Life is one big adventure – a wooden spoon can become a drumstick, a magic wand or a stick person. “My two-year-old daughter, Tyla, was playing on the wooden bridge in the park,” recalls Tyla’s dad, Trevor, from south London, “and insisted that I had to be the troll from the Billy Goats Gruff story. I had to pop out from under the bridge, grunting and waving my arms. I could feel other parents staring, but I had a great time. Having a kid gives you the excuse to act like one yourself!”

Learning to share

Toddlers are great at playing, but sharing is particularly difficult for them to grasp. “My son Liam, who’s nearly three, came home from a party with lots of sweets,” says Vicky from Southend. “I told him he had to share them, as his brothers didn’t have any. Five minutes later, I found him crouched in the corner slowly eating his way through all the sweets which he’d put in a bowl. ‘You’re supposed to be sharing them,’ I told him. ‘I am,’ he replied. ‘I’m sharing with the bowl!’”

Meeting new siblings

Sharing affection is also very hard for toddlers. For many, the explosion of the new emotions coincides with a new sibling. “Tarak was 22 months old when his sister Anju was born, and within a month he’d started biting at nursery,” says Sharmilla from north London. “The nursery advised us to set aside time to spend with just him. His grandparents also started taking him out for trips and the extra attention has really helped. The best moment was seeing him gently comfort Anju when she was crying. He’s now so loving to her, it’s amazing.”

I love you, Mum

The toddler stage is incredibly affectionate. For all their feisty independence, toddlers are still dependent on you. When they rush up to give you a big hug and say, "I love you!" it makes all that chasing, cleaning, bargaining – even clearing up long roads of toilet roll – completely worthwhile.

Find out more

• Parentline Plus
  www.parentlineplus.org.uk
  0808 800 2222
  

• ParentLine Scotland
  www.parentlinescotland.org.uk
  0808 800 2222
  

• Parents Advice Centre (Northern Ireland)
  www.parentsadvicecentre.org
  0808 8010 722

• The Social Toddler: Promoting Positive Behaviour by Penelope Leach, Clive Dorman and Helen Dorman (£15.99, CP Publishing)

• Your Toddler Month by Month by Tanya Byron (£16.99, Dorling Kindersley)

• Read our feature on toddler tantrums