Positive parenting: under-threes

Want a better relationship with your toddler? 'Your family' has ten positive parenting tips for those with children under three

Published 01 Apr 2008
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Keep a ‘special time’ “My daughter would start behaving badly as soon as I got home from work. So now I call her bath time and bedtime our ‘special time’; her brothers stay downstairs and she chooses which book we read. It really works.”

Jenni, mum of twins Tom and Charlie, 6, and Millie, 2

Create a distraction “Michael likes to make a huge fuss over nothing, but rather than rise to it every time, I try to distract him. If we’re in the kitchen, he loves it if I start banging saucepan lids like drums — and nine times out of ten, he stops crying.”

Siobhan, mum of Carly, 3, and Michael, 1

Be consistent “My wife was softer with Louis than I was and let him get away with a lot. I’d tell him off and she’d give him a big cuddle. He started really playing up until we realised that we needed to back each other up.”

Paul, dad of Louis, 2

Be clear and positive Use positive words, not negative ones, when giving instructions. You’ll sound less critical and it’s easier for a young child to understand, “Hold onto my hand” rather than, “Don’t you dare run away”.

Listen actively When you listen to your child, come down to her level and look her in the eye. “Use active listening — show you’re interested, let your child know you understand her feelings, and help her to think things through,” says parenting expert and author Steve Biddulph.

Praise good eating habits “My daughter was a really picky eater. I started giving her smaller portions, and when she finished her plate or tried ‘yucky’ food I gave her a big hug and a cheer, which she loved. Now, she even eats vegetables!”

Carrie, mum of Becky, 2, and Rory, 3 months

Set limits Gently set limits for your child from a young age, so she knows what is okay and what isn’t — and don’t be surprised when she starts testing those limits.

Try to stay calm When your baby cries, try to keep calm and soothe and comfort him. Crying is his way of telling you something – he isn’t being naughty or trying to upset you.

Lots of cuddles Show your child lots of love, giving cuddles and kisses and avoiding harsh discipline. “Loving care and affection makes your child feel safe, secure and cared for and helps them build a strong emotional bond with you,” says Professor Matt Sanders, founder of the Triple P Positive Parenting Program.

Set up a routine “My son was a real handful at the end of each day. We decided to have a set bedtime and stick to it. Once he got used to the routine, he started sleeping well and was much better behaved.”

Erica, mum of Ellis, 11, Charone, 7, Marla, 6, and Tyrone, 3

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Words: Susie Boone. Illustration: Ana Diaz