How to hold your baby safely

NSPCC parenting advisor Eileen Hayes on safe ways to hold your baby, and why cuddling is so important and shaking is so dangerous

Published 01 Apr 2008
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As a mum or dad, holding your baby close is something you’ll probably naturally want to do right from the earliest days – but you may feel all fingers and thumbs to start with. Here’s how to hold your baby so that he feels cosy and secure.

 

Holding your new baby

When you hold your newborn, your breathing and heartbeat help to regulate his body’s rhythms. New parents can sometimes feel a bit nervous and clumsy to start with, but very soon your confidence will grow and, with a bit of practice, you’ll soon find holding positions that your baby likes.

Dad holding babyYour baby might enjoy:

  • Being held upright with his head supported (this is very important for new babies, as their neck muscles are weak), so he can look at the world over your shoulder
  • Being held with his back against your body and your arm across his tummy, so he can see what’s going on around him
  • Being cradled lengthwise in both your arms, so that you are face-to-face for chatting, smiling and making eye contact
  • Lying on top of your chest when you are lying down
  • Lying or cuddling skin-to-skin
  • Being carried in a sling, comforted by your closeness and movements, while leaving you with your hands free for other tasks
  • Being massaged – ask your health visitor how it is done or for details of a local class.

Why you can’t overdo cuddling

There’s some evidence that babies who have more cuddles and physical contact with parents cry less. Research has also found many other benefits of close contact and cuddling: for example, it releases endorphins (‘feel-good’ hormones) and other beneficial chemicals that can help your baby’s brain develop, as well as boosting his immune system and growth hormones.

06_Holding_baby 

Ignore old-fashioned theories you might hear about 'making a rod for your own back' or 'spoiling' your baby with too much love and attention. You’re giving your baby the best possible start by providing security and love, and this doesn’t have to be rationed. Babies who have these things will grow in confidence and develop healthy self-esteem.

What babies don’t like

  • A baby’s head is very heavy compared to the rest of his body, and new babies’ neck muscles aren’t strong enough to hold it up. So babies don’t like it when their heads aren’t supported and you must always be careful to do this.
  • Babies don’t like being held at arm’s length away from your body.
  • They don’t like to be picked up very suddenly or put down roughly. In fact, they don’t like any rough handling, whether it is meant as play or not.
  • It’s also dangerous to throw babies up in the air, even in fun. They could be severely hurt.

Why is shaking so dangerous?

Shaking a baby is very dangerous because it moves the head back and forth very fast and with great force, and tiny blood vessels in the baby’s brain can tear and bleed. This can lead to deafness, blindness, brain damage or even death. You may think no one would ever shake a baby, but there are unfortunately cases of this happening every year. Some parents may not know how dangerous shaking can be. It’s possible to shake a baby who won’t stop crying in a split second of anger, then immediately regret it.


Doctors advise getting urgent medical help if you ever lose control and shake a baby in this way. Dial 999 or go to your nearest Accident and Emergency (A&E) department, if you know you can get there quickly.

Tips for coping with crying

Some parents lose control in a moment of anger or frustration, especially if their baby cries a lot. Remember that crying is your baby’s main language to begin with, and the way in which he lets you know when he needs something. It’s always a bit of a learning curve working out what a new baby wants, but most parents get there surprisingly quickly.


When your baby cries, check for all the obvious reasons why he might be crying. Perhaps he's:

  • Hungry or thirsty
  • Uncomfortable
  • Too hot or cold
  • In need of comfort and a cuddle.


Sometimes meeting these needs means the crying stops. But if it does carry on, try:

  • Rocking and other kinds of movement, including a walk in his pram or a drive around the block in his car seat
  • Music of all kinds: lullabies, the radio, CDs – whatever works
  • Cuddling
  • A breast- or bottle-feed.

(See Coping with a Crying Baby for more information on excessive crying.)

If you feel desperate…

If the crying ever really gets on top of you, it’s important to take a break. Give your baby to someone else for a while if possible, or go into a separate room for a few minutes to calm down. Perhaps take a cup of tea with you and turn the TV or radio on to distract you from the sound of the crying. Never let your stress levels get to a point where you fear you might lose control.


If you’re feeling that you really might snap, phone someone for help – your partner, a relative, a professional, such as your health visitor, or the NSPCC helpline (see Find out more, below).


Social services can also provide support for families under stress: look in your phone book under the name of your local authority for contact details.

Find out more

  • NSPCC
    www.nspcc.org.uk
    0808 800 5000

  • Download a free copy of the NSPCC's parenting leaflet Handle with care
     
  • Cry-sis
    www.cry-sis.org.uk
    Helpline: 08451 228 669
     
  • Parentline Plus
    www.parentlineplus.org.uk
    0808 800 2222

  • ParentLine Scotland
    www.parentlinescotland.org.uk
    0808 800 2222

  • Parents Advice Centre (Northern Ireland)
    www.parentsadvicecentre.org
    0808 8010 722

    Now read out feature on how to keep your baby safe


Eileen Hayes

Eileen Hayes

The NSPCC's parenting advisor, editor-in-chief of 'Your family' magazine and mum of four.