Parents all over the country are joining in the ‘routine vs. demand’ debate, as you’ll find out in any parenting chatroom. While some parents feel that routines are indispensable, others believe in responding to their baby’s needs as and when necessary.
 
Veronica, mum of Ella, 18 months, says a routine has always worked well for her: “Ella’s always been really happy,” she says. "She’s slept through the night from an early age and I know what she needs at any point of the day.”

Meanwhile Sue, mum of Jack, two, and Sam, five months, prefers to do without a routine and give her sons feeds and naps whenever they want: “The advice from the routine experts always seems so harsh that I prefer to respond to the boys’ needs as they come up,” she says. “I don’t think a timetable can tell me more about my children than my own instincts.”

The pros and cons

For parents, there are advantages and disadvantages to both styles. “Our routine allowed me to get structure back into our days quite early on, which was important to me, and we got our evenings back after only a few weeks,” says Veronica. “But we do have to cut short play dates to make sure Ella gets home at the right time and it did seem hard work following a timetable in the very early days — you have to be committed to make it work.”

“Jack and Sam are both very adaptable and it means we can go with the flow; if we’re having a great time with friends they’re happy to go to bed a bit later,” says Sue about her demand-led approach. “On the downside, I still have to feed Sam a couple of times a night and Jack can wake at any time from 6am, depending on when he goes to sleep.”

The truth is, there is no ‘right’ way to bring up your baby “Every parent and every baby is different; different babies respond to different things,” explains health visitor Maggie Fisher. “Some placid babies are happy with whatever you do. But very young babies often don’t slot into routines, and if you have a more clingy or sensitive baby, it may not work.” 

The trick, according to Maggie, is to be in tune with your baby: “It can be helpful to have a routine, but I do worry about anything that is too rigid. You need to keep an open mind about it and take out the bits that work for you.”

Routine basics

It’s true that babies like predictability, so introducing simple routines that help your baby fit into family life can be reassuring for both of you. But remember that although newborn babies don’t have a routine at first, they do develop a natural one, which shouldn’t be disturbed. “By six to eight weeks they are beginning to have their biggest sleep at night. Don’t interfere with this natural routine, for example, by deliberately waking him for a feed,” says Maggie.

As your baby begins to sleep more at night, his daytime sleeps and feeds will naturally begin to settle into more of a pattern. By building on this pattern you can nudge him into a simple daily routine that suits both you and him. 

“A bedtime routine — for example a bath, last feed, song and cuddle — can help get him ready for sleep,” says Maggie. Similarly, after weaning your baby onto solids at about six months, he’ll quickly settle into three meals a day. “Most babies are having regular breakfast, lunch and tea by seven to eight months, timed to fit in with family life,” says Maggie.

By combining a simple routine with listening to your baby’s needs, you should find a balance that suits you both. “At the end of the day, you should do what feels comfortable for you and your baby,” says Maggie. “A lot of parenting is about trial and error and sticking with what works for your baby.”

Find out more

• Babycare Week by Week: The First Six Months by Alison Mackonochie (£14.99, Collins)
  
  
• Silent Nights: How to Develop a Peaceful Sleeping Routine by Pat Spungin (£9.99, Prentice Hall Life)