Two-month-old Adam cries for hours at a time and nothing seems to settle him, according to his mum, Toni. “The nights are the worst. When I’ve been up nearly all night and can hear the start of the dawn chorus, I’m in tears with exhaustion and frustration," she says. "There are times when I have to put him in his cot and walk away for a bit as I worry what I might do if I stay with him.”

Most parents expect babies to cry, but it may come as something of a shock when you realise how your baby’s cries can make you feel. It can be incredibly stressful.

Why babies cry 

It helps to understand that crying is probably your baby’s key survival skill. If she couldn’t cry, how would you know when she needed to be fed or changed or wanted your company? It’s her only way of showing you that she needs something.

Crying is meant to be stressful as it makes you keen to attend to your baby’s needs. Hearing somebody else’s baby crying isn’t nearly as distressing, but when your own baby cries, you feel you must do something to sort it out. New mums especially are programmed by their hormones to feed and comfort their crying babies to give them the best start in life.

What’s normal?

Babies cry most in the first three months. The average is about two hours a day, but this might feel like a lot more especially if it’s in the middle of the night. From four months, babies have more ways to communicate and the amount of crying gradually decreases.

Some babies cry more than others: about a quarter of newborns cry for up to three hours a day, and this is never your or your baby’s fault. Suggested reasons are that some babies are naturally more sensitive and take longer to get used to the world outside the womb. It could also be developmental factors, such as an immature nervous or digestive system, or colic.

Why is your baby crying?

Hunger

This is certainly the likeliest explanation in the early days. It’s easier to follow your baby’s lead and feed her when she’s hungry. This also helps establish breastfeeding.

Tiredness

Some babies ‘fuss’ before going off to sleep and many cry simply because they are overtired. Your baby may seem tired, yawning and rubbing her eyes, but can’t seem to settle. If you think she may be overtired, lay her down in a quiet, darkened room for a while to see if she’ll drop off.

Discomfort

Maybe your baby’s stuck in an awkward position? A dirty or wet nappy won’t feel very pleasant and can cause nappy rash. Clothes can also irritate fragile baby skin, so make sure they are made of soft, natural fibres.

Too hot or too cold

New babies can’t control their temperature very well, so you’ll need to help by adding or removing clothes and keeping her room at 18°C (65°F).

Over-stimulation

Some babies, especially the more sensitive, can be over-stimulated by too much handling or play. If you suspect this, gently lay her down in a quiet spot for a few minutes to calm down.

Needing a cuddle

She may be feeling insecure and in need of a nice cuddle.

Boredom

Babies can get bored lying alone and just want your company or an interesting mobile to look at.

Illness

If your baby has a fever (a temperature above 38°C/100°F) that can’t be controlled, is reluctant to feed, or the crying seems abnormal to you, always contact your GP or health visitor.

How to soothe your baby

For a baby who is just uncomfortable or fretful, remember you are not ‘spoiling’ her if you quickly sort out her needs, whether it’s for a cuddle or bit of play. In fact, attending to her promptly helps her feel secure and loved.

Many things parents do instinctively work very well to soothe their babies:

• Movement can be very calming: try rocking, car-rides, pushing in the pram, or ‘wearing’ your baby in a sling around the house
• Music is soothing, whether it’s a lullaby, pop song or even the ‘white noise’ hum of the washing machine
• Cuddles and gentle stroking comfort all babies
• Sucking is a comfort to most babies 
• Baby massage works brilliantly for lots of babies — ask your health visitor for advice or a local class.

What if nothing works?

• Get to know the pattern of your baby’s crying — how loud it is, how long it lasts, what time of day is worst, what did you do to make it stop? This can help you find the best ways to soothe your baby.
• Sometimes babies just want to be held or amused. The more affection, chatting, stroking and cuddling you give your baby the better. This has actually been shown to help babies’ brains grow. 
• Some sensitive babies will cry more no matter what you do. They may cry at bright lights, loud noises or too much handling. Try to keep things calm, speak in a soothing voice, and go at your baby’s pace.

Coping with crying  

• Don’t forget your own needs. Accept all offers of help so you can get enough rest. “Mum was great,” says Toni. “She would come over and stay occasionally and I’d go and sleep at her house just so I could get an unbroken night’s sleep.”
• Try to get out in the fresh air every day — this often helps babies sleep better.
• If the crying is getting on top of you, put your baby down in a safe place, or give her to someone else, and take a break for a couple of minutes to have a cup of tea or call a friend.
• If your baby’s crying ever feels really unbearable and you think that you could harm her, put her down somewhere safe and call the NSPCC helpline (see Find out more, below) — they’ll lend you a listening ear and help you calm down.

Find out more

• If you're worried about a child's safety or welfare or if you need help or advice, ring the NSPCC Child Protection Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk.
  
  
• CRY-SIS
  www.cry-sis.org.uk
  Helpline: 0207 404 5011
  
  
• Parentline Plus
  www.parentlineplus.org.uk
  Helpline: 0808 800 2222
  
  
• ParentLine Scotland
  www.parentlinescotland.org.uk
  Helpline: 0808 800 2222
  
  
• Parents Advice Centre (Northern Ireland)
  www.parentsadvicecentre.org
  Helpline: 0808 8010 722
  
  
• Crying and Comforting by Eileen Hayes (£5.99, Dorling Kindersley)
  
  
• Now watch our short film "Help! My baby bites and scratches"