"Don't be afraid to ask for help"
Alone with newborn twins, mum Ali* suffered from postnatal depression and struggled to cope
“I didn’t set out to be a single mum. I was in what I thought was a loving, stable relationship, but my partner walked out when our twins were just a week old. We’d been together for four years and it was totally unexpected. I was on my own with two babies and getting over a Caesarean section — talk about being thrown in the deep end! Just putting them in their cots or getting up to feed them in the night was really difficult.
“That was when the postnatal depression kicked in. I was a mess, crying constantly. I’d only just moved into the neighbourhood and didn’t have any friends or family nearby. I had no one to talk to and was really lonely.
“My health visitor was the only person I saw. She referred me to the parenting organisation Home-Start, who arranged for a volunteer, Sue, to support me at home.
“Sue visits for a few hours a week. She’ll help with the shopping and help me take the twins on visits to the hospital or clinics.
“I didn’t have any experience of babies, so it was really comforting to have another parent show you the ropes. Not that Sue ever told me what to do — but if I asked for advice she’d give it to me. She was never judgemental, and always down to earth.
“I’d spent so much time on my own that I found it difficult to go out again. Sue helped me regain my confidence and encouraged me to go out to the park or the shops. It’s fantastic to have someone behind you, supporting you all the way.
“There are so many mums who have postnatal depression or may just need a hand, but people are often ashamed to ask for help. They shouldn’t be — getting Home-Start help was the best thing that ever happened to me! I could have been one of the statistics of mums who harm their babies or themselves, because I was in a situation where I felt suicidal and couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.
“Now, two years on, I’m loving being a mum. The twins are growing up and I’m so proud I can’t shut up about them! Sue still comes to help out, and when she walks in the children’s faces light up. When I look back and think how far I’ve come, I can’t see how I would have managed without her.
“I still have good days and bad days, but if I have a bad moment I tell myself to get on with it, whereas before I’d stress for days. I feel much more in control of things, and I’m trying to be the very best mum I can be.”
Find out more
- Association for Postnatal Illness
www.apni.org
- Your health visitor or GP can help if you are suffering from postnatal depression
- Home-Start
www.home-start.org.uk (or www.realparents.org.uk to volunteer)
0800 068 6368
- Meet-A-Mum Association (MAMA)
www.mama.co.uk
- National Childbirth Trust
www.nct.org.uk
- The Samaritans
0845 790 9090
www.samaritans.org.uk
- The Birth Trauma Association
www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
- Now read our features All about postnatal depression and "How I coped with postnatal depression"
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