Top tips to tackle your child's bullies
If you child is being bullied at school, it can be hard to know what to do. That's why we've put together 12 steps to help you deal with bullying
Published 19 January 2009
1. Reassure your child
If you think that your child is being bullied, try to talk to her about it. Make sure she knows that bullying is NEVER okay and that you will do everything you can to help her. Tell your child that it is not her fault and that she’s not alone — you will help her face the problem.2. Don’t put pressure on her
If your child doesn’t want to talk about being bullied, don’t pressurise her. Instead, suggest that she speaks to somebody else — a relative, a teacher, a ‘peer supporter’ (a young person in a school who is trained to help other children deal with issues such as bullying) or your doctor. If she's old enough, your child could also call ChildLine (she may prefer speaking to someone she doesn’t know before talking to you — this is not unusual and no reflection on your relationship with her).3. Get details
Try to find out from your child as much about the bullying as you can, for example when and where it most often happens, what type of bullying it is (for example, is it verbal, physical, ‘cyber’ — via the internet or a mobile phone — or emotional?). Remember that bullying can be indirect, for example leaving a child out or not talking to her, as well as direct, like hitting or saying nasty things. Also, bear in mind that although bullying is repeated behaviour, a one-off incident should still be taken seriously and nipped in the bud before it becomes a bullying issue.
4. Suggest a diary
Suggest that your child starts a bullying diary, making a note of the days and times when the bullying happens. It would also be good for her to make a note of any friends or other children who have witnessed the bullying and would be prepared to say what they have seen. It will be useful for you to have concrete facts when you go to talk to your child’s teacher about the problem.5. Think before you act
Even if you’re feeling angry and upset, don’t go straight into your child’s school demanding to see the head teacher, or to talk to the bully or the bully’s parents. Your child may be afraid of revenge from the bully, and the bullying could well get worse if you react like this.6. Make an appointment
Instead, make an appointment to see your child’s teacher in advance, and take your child with you if possible. Before the meeting, ask her whether she would prefer to see another teacher, other than her own, and try to make the appointment with the teacher your child feels most comfortable with.7. Stay calm
When you’re talking to your child’s teacher, try to stay calm and not lose your temper. And don’t be afraid to say what you think the school could do for your child — it’s important that you work with the school to tackle the problem.8. Take a pen and paper
Remember to make notes of what is said during the meeting with your child’s teacher. It’s also a good idea to keep a record of the dates/times of any meetings or phonecalls with the school, and to make copies of any letters that you write, so that if you have to follow up on the action taken by the school you will have all the information you need.9. Ask questions
Here are some questions that you could ask your child’s teacher:- “Does the school have an anti-bullying policy and can I see it?”
(All schools MUST have an anti-bullying policy by law.)
- “Are the procedures on this policy being followed?”
(The policy document will tell you what the school does to prevent and tackle bullying. If you don’t understand anything on it, then don’t be afraid to ask.)
- “Does the school have a peer support initiative and if so, can my child talk to a peer supporter if she would like to?”
(If the answer is no, you could suggest that the school sets up an initiative like this.)
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“Are children properly supervised at all times during the school day?”
(If you know the times and places that your child is most often bullied, ask about these in particular.)
- “What steps will the school take now?”
(Make a note of the steps that the school plans to take, so that you can ensure that the action is taken.)
- “How can I work with the school to put a stop to the bullying?”
(If there are any other problems at home that you feel your child’s teacher should know about, it’s important to talk about them — you need to work together to tackle bullying. If your child is with you in this meeting though, you may want to discuss these issues with your child’s teacher on another occasion.)
10. Don’t give up
After the meeting, make sure that the school does take action. If you’re not satisfied with what the teacher said during the meeting, or with how the school reacts afterwards, don’t give up. Don’t feel that you’re wasting the school’s time or causing unnecessary trouble — your child’s happiness and welfare is so important, and chances are that if your child is being bullied, others may be too.11. Keep in touch
The bullying may not stop automatically. Encourage your child to keep telling you how she is getting on at school, and try to make sure she continues keeping a diary of bullying incidents. It’s important that you keep telling the school what’s happening.12. Take further action
If you’re not satisfied with the way that the teacher has handled the situation, contact the deputy head teacher or the head teacher of the school. You might want to write a letter, rather than simply speaking to them face-to-face, and details you should include are:- What the bullying has consisted of and when it has happened
- How it has affected your child
- When you told your child’s teacher and whether things improved, stayed the same or got worse afterwards.
If you’re still not happy, write to the Board of Governors (or School Board in Scotland). If you really feel that the school is not taking the situation seriously, write to the Director of Education at your Local Education Authority (to find your Local Education Authority visit the website of the Department for Children, Schools and Families: www.dcsf.gov.uk).
The Anti-bullying Alliance (www.antibullyingalliance.org.uk) has a list of Regional Advisors, who can direct you to sources of help and support in your area.
Words: Anna Foulsham. Pictures: Jupiter
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