Cyber-bullying: How safe is your child?
Bullying via mobile phones or the internet is a worrying trend that's on the increase in the UK. Here’s how to keep kids safe
Online social networking is a part of millions of children’s lives. Although texting and internet sites such as MSN and Facebook are mostly used in a positive and fun way for chatting and out-of-school socialising, there are more and more reports of children being on the receiving end of nasty messages and photos.
More than half of all children visiting social-networking sites have had an “unwanted experience online”, a survey for the NSPCC has found. Unlike playground bullying, cyber-bullying follows children home — and cyber-bullies can communicate their messages and images to lots of people very quickly, and hide behind false names.
Cyber-bullies may use:
Mobile phones to send threatening or unwelcome mobile texts or photos. Photos and video clips may be sent to other people showing your child in an embarrassing or humiliating situation. “Happy slapping” involves filming and sharing physical attacks on mobiles.
Chat rooms to send menacing or upsetting responses to children or young people when they are in a web-based chat room.
Social networking sites – “groups” can be set up for children to join on Facebook, which have names intended to single out and hurt a specific person.
Instant messaging to send messages which are hurtful, and which can make the victim feel ganged-up against because more than one person can “chat” at the same time.
Online interactive games to insult, sexually harass or victimise though the game’s message, speech boxes or bubbles.
E-mail — it can be used to bully and intimidate.
Spotting the signs of cyber-bullying
NSPCC director and chief executive Dame Mary Marsh gives the following advice: “You should be alert to the possibility that your child might be being cyber-bullied if he suddenly doesn’t want to use the internet, or looks anxious and unhappy when it is being used. Also, your child may suddenly stop using their mobile or want a new number.”
She adds: “Watch too for the usual signs that your child is being bullied: sudden change in appetite, increased irritability, avoiding his or her friends, not wanting to go to school, disturbed sleep patterns or unspecific health problems.” You should treat cyber-bullying as seriously as bullying in the real world.
Talking to your child about cyber-bullying
It’s important to keep a close eye on your child’s use of cyberspace. Ask him to show you the sites he likes and ask why he enjoys them so much, and what each different site offers. Talk about safe ways to use the computer, including internet safety, privacy and the risks of sharing information online. All this may be easier if you put the computer in a public space at home, like the living room, rather than in his bedroom. Reach an agreement with your child that he or she should ask your permission before going on the computer.
Talk about the way his friends treat each other online, asking if the use of made-up internet names might make people feel they can behave differently without being caught. Tanya Byron, a psychologist who has researched cyber-bullying says: "A good rule of thumb to teach your child is that you shouldn't say online what you wouldn't face-to-face."
How to stop cyber-bullying
If your child says he has received messages that have upset him, try not to react in a knee-jerk way by stopping him going online or confiscating his mobile phone. Your child may feel he is being punished, and switch off from being able to talk to you about things he finds difficult.
Some ways in which you can try to combat cyber-bullying are:
- To make sure your child knows he can come to you at the first sign that things are getting out of hand and that you will work out what to do together
- To not reply to any bullying text messages or emails, however tempting
- To keep and save any bullying emails, text messages or images. Unlike other forms of bullying, there is hard evidence of cyber-bullying
- To use blocking software to stop instant messages from the bullies, and use mail filters to block emails from specific email addresses
- To file a complaint with the owner of the bully’s networking site, which could lead to the suspension or termination of the cyber-bully’s (or his or her parents’) page
- If you know the bully attends the same school as your child, tell your child’s teacher. Many schools are aware of cyber-bullying and are talking to their pupils about it.
Your comments
“I found my nine-year old daughter crying in front of our home computer. She was using her instant messaging programme, MSN, and I saw at least ten comments from girls in her class saying that she was ugly and that they hated her. It felt like a gang attack in her own room.” Jayne, mum of two daughters
“My son refused to go to school after a Facebook group had been set up called ‘Josh smells’.’’ Mark, dad of Josh
“My son was traumatised when someone sent a picture of him changing for P.E. to all his friends’ mobiles.” Saira, mum of two sons
“Brook was bullied online by some kids at school. We spoke to the learning mentors and they spoke to the ringleader’s mum. It turned out she didn’t know it was happening. It’s all stopped now, thank goodness.” Danielle, mum of Brook, 9, and Roman, 7
Find out more
- Anti-Bullying Week (16-20 November 2009) is organised and coordinated by the Anti-Bullying Alliance (ABA). To find out more, visit the Anti-Bullying Alliance's website
- ChildLine
www.childline.org.uk/extra/bullyingindex.asp
- Beat Bullying
www.need2know.co.uk/beatbullying/index.htm
- CEOP
www.ceop.org.uk
- Department for children, schools and families
www.dfes.gov.uk/bullying
- Internet Watch Foundation
www.iwf.org.uk
Have your say
Have you ever had problems finding and setting-up programmes on your computer that prevent your children accessing unsuitable internet sites?
Or have you never tried because it seems so complicated?
Please visit our Safety forum and tell us about your experiences and you'll be helping NSPCC research on the difficulties mums and dads come up against trying to keep kids safe on the internet.
Words: Sophie Radice. Pictures: Masterfile
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