Your child's social development
Claire Halsey, consultant clinical psychologist and mum of three, shares her top tips on how to help your child's development
Birth to 12 months
- Your baby can recognise you and your partner’s voice before birth.
- Your baby will have a personality from birth — some babies are calm, others are active or irritable. You’ll enjoy watching her character develop.
- You and your close family are your baby’s social world. Building strong bonds first with you and your partner, and then with the wider family, is vital in your baby’s first year.
Top tips to help your baby
Talk to your baby — she’ll hang on to every word.
Give lots of cuddles — your loving touch gives your child a sense of security.
Go to your baby straight away when she cries — she’ll learn that you are there for her no matter what.
One to three years
- Your toddler won’t be ready to share yet. She still sees herself as the centre of the world and views all things as hers. She can become very upset and angry if another child takes a toy she thinks is hers.
- She’ll be communicating nonstop. She’s getting better at speaking and listening all the time.
- She will start having tantrums, saying “no” and wanting to make decisions for herself. This can be challenging but it’s a normal part of development as she learns to be more independent. Handle tantrums calmly and avoid giving in to pestering. Your toddler needs to know that asking nicely works but tantrums and whining do not.
- She’ll be asking lots of 'why?' questions. This is part of her natural curiosity and drive to explore and understand the world.
- Your toddler will start to show you signs that she understands other people’s points of view.
Top tips to help your toddler
Introduce your child to other children — take her to toddler groups and activity sessions so she learns to mix with others.
Supervise your child as she learns to play with others — at first playing and sharing can be challenging, and biting and tantrums can be a problem.
Set aside some special time each day — your child will thrive on your company and will really benefit from one-to-one attention, whether it's for cuddles, playing, reading or talking together.
Three to five years
- Your child may now be separating from you happily at the nursery door and feeling safe and secure when away from you while at school or nursery.
- She may have an imaginary friend — this is quite common and nothing to worry about as long as she still spends time playing with her real friends.
- This is an age when abstract fears, of the dark or monsters for example, can develop. She will need your reassurance to get over the occasional nightmare.
- Your child loves to know what is happening next. She’ll thrive on routines at home, such as a ritual of having a bath, drink and story before a set bedtime.
- A child of this age may be put out by the arrival of a new baby. She may even become more babyish herself in an attempt to get you to pay her more attention.
- At four or five boys tend to play in larger groups, doing plenty of physical, outdoor activities, while girls will tend to play indoors in pairs or groups of three.
Top tips to help your preschooler
Help her make new friends — invite children round to play and organise plenty of games or arts and crafts for them to do together. Keep them busy and well supervised so they can build up their friendships with your support.
Keep her involved — if a new baby has arrived get her involved as much as is safe. And find time to spend with her alone to show she hasn’t lost your love.
Five to seven years
- Your child wants everything to be fair and will challenge you on this issue.
- She’s gaining a sense of right and wrong and will be motivated to behave well to earn your approval.
- She will enjoy an active social life with playground friendships, birthday party invitations and a growing interest in sports and other organised groups, such as Rainbows (or Beaver Scouts for boys).
- Your child will practise her social skills — and have fun — through dressing up, play acting or using her toys to act out scenarios she’s seen or imagined.
- She will get into squabbles with her brothers and sisters. This is how they learn about getting along with others and practise sorting out disagreements.
- Your child wants your love and approval and will ask you to watch her or look at things she’s made. When you stop what you are doing and give her your full attention and praise, she’ll blossom.
- Your five to seven year old’s understanding of the world is expanding and she may start to have more concrete fears about burglars, animals or stories she's heard in the media.
Top tips to help your child
Let her know where she stands — she’ll benefit from clear, simple family rules that everyone must stick to. Good examples are: speaking in a calm voice, being kind to each other and asking before borrowing other people’s things.
Schedule in some quality family time — it can be difficult to spend as much time with your kids as you’d like, so make sure you set aside regular time — a meal together every night, taking the dog for a walk or going on an outing at the weekend.
Set an example — you are your child’s most important teacher and her role model for behaviour, relationships and respect. When you set a good example, your child will follow your lead.
Your developing child: An at-a-glance guide
Birth
Babies communicate as soon as they are born by crying and moving. You’ll quickly get to know your baby’s different cries and what they mean, such as “I’m hungry” or “I need some attention”.
Six months
From five to six months your baby will be very interested in other children, getting excited as they come into sight. But she’ll treat them as fun objects rather than playmates, wanting to touch them and babble to show her interest.
Eight months
At around eight months your baby may start to get upset when you leave her. This is a normal part of development known as separation anxiety, and can carry on until your child is three.
12 months
By one year you can expect her to say her first word.
18 months
Embarrassment and shyness can start as early as 18 months as your child begins to recognise her own and other people’s basic emotions.
Two years
Toddlers this age love playing next to other children but are not yet interested in playing together with them, co-operating or even taking turns.
Three years
At three years old your child is just starting to learn to share. By five, this skill is well developed and, although squabbles still happen, she knows she must take turns.
Three to five years
Between three and five years your child is ready to make friends. She has regular contact with children her age and will have found one or more buddies who enjoy the same games.
Five years
By the age of five years your child will feel a strong sense of belonging to her wider family. She will be curious about different generations and how each person is related.
Six years
At six years your child will be playing games with set rules, such as football or chasing games. She’ll enjoy boundaries and be keen to have rules enforced. She’ll also want to win at the games, and may be upset if she’s not first or best at them.
Find out more
- Baby's First Year is a leaflet available from the NSPCC. To order a copy, send an A5 sae with a 50p stamp attached, to: Baby's First Year, NSPCC Publications, Weston House, 42 Curtain Rd, London EC2A 3NH
- How to Be a Friend: A Guide to Making Friends and Keeping Them by Laurene Krasny Brown (£3.50, Little Brown and Company)
- The Social Toddler by Helen and Clive Dorman (book £13.59, DVD £16.89, CP Publishing)
- Understanding Your Crying Baby by Sheila Kitzinger (£10.99, Caroll & Brown)
Claire Halsey
Psychologist, parenting expert, mum of three and stepmum of two
“Parents seem to be getting more and more competitive and sometimes we can’t help but compare our children with others. But remember that children all have different strengths and progress at different rates. Just relax and enjoy them. They’ll be all grown-up and leaving home before you know it!”
Esther, mum of Charlotte, 4
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