"Now we spend quality time with each of the kids"
Two months after taking up the 'Your family' Challenge to help make more time for their baby, we find out how parents Shazia and Raja and their family are getting on
Shazia and Raja, parents of three-year-old twins Neha and Maha and five-month-old baby Omar, had been finding it difficult to give Omar as much time and attention as they would have liked. So NSPCC parenting advisor Eileen Hayes MBE came to the rescue with her top tips (see below) to help Shazia and Raja make more time for Omar. Read Shazia’s blog to see how the family’s been getting on since completing the Challenge:
“The family’s doing well! We’ve been putting into practice all of the things Eileen suggested, and the twins are at nursery now so I have been spending more one-to-one time with Omar. Both Raja and I have been doing activities with the twins individually too, like going on walks — they love wrapping up warm and putting their wellies on. The Challenge improved my way of thinking about this sort of thing; before, I would take the twins out together, as I felt guilty if I did things with them separately, but I now realise that they feel more special doing things individually. They’re growing up now, too, which helps!
"I also don’t feel so stressed anymore about getting the twins to do educational activities at home — Eileen helped me to understand that their nursery school provides all they need in this respect, so I don’t need to worry.
"It’s a shame we don’t have Eileen on hand all the time! It would be great to have someone like her at the end of the phone everyday — someone to vent to. Eileen reassured me that my feelings were normal. The best piece of advice she gave us was to spend quality time with each of the children individually.
"The Challenge has really improved our day-to-day family life — Eileen gave lasting advice that we are still benefitting from now. Following the advice week-to-week involves a lot more planning than before, but it’s worth it. The Challenge helped me find a balance between spending time with the twins and Omar. The twins are still demanding, but I’m not drawn to them as much as I was before, and the time I used to spend with just them, I now spend with Omar as well. My husband has noticed that I’m more relaxed since doing the Challenge, too.
"If you and your family are in a similar situation to ours, I would really encourage you to listen to the advice that’s out there and try out what the experts recommend. If it doesn’t work then it doesn’t matter. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!”
Eileen Hayes MBE
NSPCC parenting advisor and mum of four
The advice
Eileen says: Most parents with more than one child grapple with the problem of how to give them all enough attention. But there are ways to cement the bond with baby Omar — it’s never too late.
- Cuddles and contact
Put aside time every day to treat Omar as if he were a tiny baby again. Give him lots of cuddles, kisses and skin-to-skin contact. Try some baby massage if he enjoys that. You can do this even if you only have a few spare minutes a day.
- Enjoy feeding time
Use the bottle-feeding times you have before Omar is weaned to spend quiet, loving moments with him. With bottles it’s easy to hand the baby to someone else or prop up the bottle, so some of the bonding opportunities can be missed and you have to make a bit more effort.
- One-to-one time
To make sure each child feels valued, give all of them some one-to-one time with mum or dad. It doesn’t have to be for long — you could start with just ten minutes a week when they have your undivided attention without the other children around.
- Let them play
Try not to pressure yourselves to be perfect parents! You do lots of crafts, baking and number and letter work with the twins, which is great, but it’s fine to let them amuse themselves some of the time. Once they’re at nursery they’ll get lots of educational input, so you can relax a bit.
- Have a break
It would be good for both of you to have some relaxed time away from the children. You have family living nearby, so why not suggest a baby-care swap — you look after their kids one evening and they look after yours another. You get a trusted baby-sitter and everyone has a break.
- Siblings are fun
Omar seems a very contented baby and I think it’s unlikely that he feels he’s missing out. Babies with older siblings benefit from the fun they provide, so they’re usually pretty happy and don’t need quite as much from Mum and Dad.
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