Introducing a new baby to your child
Preparing your toddler for the birth of a new baby will help to prevent jealousy and other problems and encourage a good relationship
Telling your toddler that you’re having another baby is very exciting, but don’t be tempted to do it too early. Until he can see your bump he won’t really understand what’s happening. Around seven or eight months is a good time.
How to tell your toddler
Tell him there’s a new baby growing inside your tummy and encourage him to gently stroke your bump and say hello.
You could also:
- take him with you to a routine antenatal appointment so he can hear the baby’s heartbeat
- find a book at your library to read together about another little boy (or girl) expecting a new baby in the family
- talk about friends and family who have little brothers and sisters
- look at his baby photos together.
Be positive and upbeat — tell him how lovely it will be for him to have a baby brother or sister, but explain that it’ll be a while before the new baby is big enough to play with him.
Getting ready for the birth
As your due date approaches, try to avoid any big changes to your toddler’s life or routine, such as moving from a cot to a bed, potty training or starting a new nursery. Events like these can be 
stressful for your toddler, and you want him to feel as settled as possible when your new baby arrives.
You’ll probably have close friends or relatives who can look after your toddler on the big day. Make sure he has plenty of time with them beforehand so he feels safe and happy. Then a couple of weeks before your due date, explain as simply as you can what will happen when the baby is born.
If you’re having your baby in hospital, tell him you’ll be in a hospital for a day or so and that he’ll be one of the very first people to come and say hello to his new brother or sister. If you’re having your baby at home, tell him where he’ll be while the baby is born and that he’ll be able to come and welcome the new baby soon after the birth.
Getting him involved
Involve your toddler as much as possible in the preparations for the new baby so he doesn’t feel left out. He could, for example, help you get the baby’s things ready, or choose some clothes when you go shopping. And remember to get him a special present for his new baby brother or sister to give him.
Finally, don’t forget to make the most of the time the two of you still have together. Give your toddler lots of care and attention, and reassure him regularly that you love him.
When your baby is born
Naturally you’ll want your toddler to come and see you as soon as your baby’s born. When he comes into the room with Daddy or Granny, make sure your arms are free (let someone else hold the new baby or put her in her cot) so you can give your toddler a huge cuddle. Then you can meet the new baby together.
There’ll be lots of visitors coming to meet the baby and you’ll be showered with gifts. Ask them to bring a little something for your toddler too, so that he feels special as well.
Looking after your baby together
Taking care of a new baby will take up lots of your time, but you can get your toddler involved too so he doesn’t feel left out. Chat to him about what you are doing, encourage him to do little jobs like fetching nappies, singing to the baby and helping at bath time.
He can also cuddle the baby if he sits safely on the bed or sofa, surrounded by cushions. But don’t let him carry the baby, or be left alone with her – he’s still too young to understand that dropping her or playing with her roughly can hurt her. Point out how much the baby loves seeing him smile, hearing his chatter or watching him make funny faces.
Dealing with jealousy
Some toddlers fall instantly in love with their new sibling and in their excitement want to touch and hold them all the time. If this happens, you may need to remind your toddler that new babies need lots of quiet time to rest and grow.
Other toddlers may show indifference or even extreme dislike, and may ‘accidentally’ hit or throw something at the new baby. Try not to be cross if this happens — toddlers find it hard to control their feelings and, although it’s upsetting, it’s also very normal.
Instead:
- calmly move your toddler so he can’t reach the baby
- tell him you understand how he feels: “The baby takes up so much of my time and I know you find that difficult”
- say firmly that hurting the baby is never acceptable
- try to put aside a little time each day to spend with your toddler, so he knows that he’s still special to you.
Dr Claire Halsey
Psychologist, parenting expert, mum of three and stepmum of two
Expert tips
- Keep telling your toddler how special he is, and give him lots of positive attention.
- This can be a great time to give your toddler a new teddy, so he can copy being a parent just like you.
- Read books together about baby brothers and sisters after the birth – Little Monster Did It! (see Find out more, below) is great for dealing with sibling jealousy.
- Although you’ll be shattered, don’t be tempted to pack your toddler off to Granny’s for a few days. Instead, ask Granny to come and help look after the baby so you can have more time with your toddler.
Find out more
- NSPCC
www.nspcc.org.uk
0808 800 5000
- Parentline Plus
www.parentlineplus.org.uk
0808 800 2222
- Little Monster Did It! by Helen Cooper (£5.99, Corgi)
- Watch our short film on helping your child to accept your new baby
“Charlene was quite demanding and attention-seeking when we first brought Jon home as a new baby. Getting her involved with changing and dressing him really helped to settle her.”
Gina, mum of Charlene, 3, and Jon, 1 month
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