How to deal with toddler tantrums
Bringing up toddlers can be stressful, but these simple tactics will help you handle toddler tantrums
Published 26 January 2009
Avoidance tactics
- Discourage attention-seeking tantrums and encourage good behaviour instead by always rewarding it with lots of praise.
- Don’t let your toddler get overtired or hungry as grumbling tummies and tiredness can trigger tantrums.
- Be consistent, as fair, clear rules lessen a toddler’s frustration.
- Let little things go — if he wants to wear purple tights and a Batman cape, let him.
- Give children choices to help them feel listened to: “Do you want to wear the blue or pink trousers today?”
- “Toddlers learn mainly by copying,” says Eileen Hayes MBE, NSPCC parenting advisor and mum of four. “The more you yell or say ‘no’ to children, the more they will learn to do the same.”
When a tantrum is brewing...
- Try distraction. If you’re out, point out that huge lorry or that funny dog… If you’re at home, read his favourite book or play music and have a dance together.
- “If your child does start to behave badly, get down to his level, look into his eyes and explain that what he is doing is wrong,” says Eileen Hayes.
- “Laughter and humour can defuse tricky situations,” adds Eileen. “They help avoid battles which make everyone feel bad.”
In the heat of the moment...
- Never respond with anger, as smacking or shouting makes things worse.
- “Holding your child in a tight hug and reassuring him in a quiet voice can work well, as long as you remain calm,” says Eileen Hayes.
- If you’re at home and your toddler is safe, try ignoring the tantrum – putting on a performance without an audience isn’t much fun.
- “Calmly tell your child, ‘I know you’re upset and angry’, ” says Angela Ferguson of Parentline Plus. “Acknowledging his feelings can calm him.”
Keep your cool
- Remind yourself that all toddlers test boundaries, assert their independence and find emotions hard to deal with. This developmental stage will pass — honestly!
- If you feel you’re going to blow, make sure your toddler is safe (stair gates closed and nothing dangerous within reach) and retreat for five minutes. A few slow, deep breaths should help your stress levels subside.
After the storm...
- “Let your toddler know what to do next time he feels angry,” advises Angela Ferguson. “Give him words to say how he feels.”
- Then give your toddler a big cuddle and let the storm pass.
Find out more
- Download free copies of the NSPCC leaflets Encouraging Better Behaviour, Not Naughty But Normal and Behave Yourself!
- Parentline Plus
www.parentlineplus.org.uk
0808 800 2222
- Tantrums: Understanding & Coping with Your Child’s Emotions by Eileen Hayes (£4.99, Hamlyn)
- Now read our feature All about toddler tantrums and watch our short film "Are my toddler's tantrums normal?"
Words: Jane Yettram. Picture: Masterfile
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