Routine and discipline for your new baby
Trying to get your newborn into a routine or tackle discipline? We're here to help you find your confidence
Published 29 May 2009
For most parents, having a new baby is the most wonderful experience they will ever have, but some parents get so worried about being in charge again, and getting their new baby into a routine, that they don’t enjoy being a new parent as much as they could. But in the early days it’s best to be led by what your baby wants and routines can come later.
“I found my way by banning the books and following what I thought she wanted, and she eventually fell into a nice relaxed routine of sorts, which suited us both.”
Sleeping and crying
Don’t listen to the old wives’ tales you might hear about ‘making a rod for your own back’ if you go to a crying baby — or believe that your baby is somehow trying to manipulate you by wanting her needs met. Babies don’t know the difference between night and day to begin with. They have tiny little tummies that only hold a very small amount of food, so it’s inevitable that your baby will wake at night to be fed.
“Some days I don’t even manage to get dressed,” laughs Charlie, mum of Zach, 2 months. “Looking after Zach and feeding him every few hours means I don’t have time to do anything for myself. I’m so tired, especially if he’s had a bad night, so I’ve not been out and about much yet. The hardest part is the lack of sleep — you can’t understand how exhausting it is until you have a baby of your own. But it’s all worth it and I love him so much!”If friends tell you that their baby slept through from birth, take it with a very large pinch of salt! Unless you ignore a baby’s crying, this is not likely to happen.
“We've had, at most, five unbroken nights' sleep since Maisie was born!” says Erika, mum of Maisie, 1. “My top tip is to buy a blackout blind as it means your baby can sleep more easily during the day. Also, get your baby sleeping in a cot in her own room as soon as possible. The first weeks were exhausting but working out a routine is the way forward — we'd be lost without ours.”
Do you need a routine?
There’s no 'one-rule-fits-all' with routines, as Katie, mum of Oliver, 1, found out: “My friend had a textbook child who she woke for feeds at the right times and it made me wonder what I was doing wrong, as my baby wanted feeding all the time.“At first I thought he would sleep most of the time and that I could get him in a routine like my friend, but you can’t do that if your baby is always hungry! I fed Oliver on demand and felt much better when I spoke to other mums and realised that was normal — you just have to accept that having a baby is a total change in lifestyle and give them what they need.
“We now have winding-down time before bed — a bath followed by bottle — but it wasn’t until I went back to work and Oliver started nursery that we established a proper routine. It was too much pressure at first.”
Anna, mum of Maisie, 21 months, agrees: “My husband and I think a bedtime routine is crucial but otherwise we've been flexible with feed and meal times as we're rarely at home at weekends, so it would be disrupted. We do aim for consistency but it’s hard to do exactly the same thing every day... and boring!”
Eileen Hayes MBE
NSPCC parenting advisor and mum of four
What about discipline? Expert tips
For the first year babies can’t be ‘naughty’, in the sense that they do not have the thought processes to decide to deliberately annoy you. If you’re finding your baby’s behaviour difficult, it usually seems reasonable if you try to look at it from her point of view.
- Babies are programmed to explore and try to be independent as quickly as possible — they just can’t help heading for the TV controls or the cat food.
- To baby-proof your home, crawl round at your baby’s eye level and remove all dangerous items and organise storage that is out of her reach.
- Never smack or shout at a baby, as she won’t understand. Hitting and smacking always carries a physical risk as a baby is vulnerable. It also hurts babies emotionally and can leave children feeling scared and lacking in confidence.
- Distraction and diversions work best, and then introducing the word “no” very gradually. Being a new parent can be stressful, but try to keep a sense of humour and don’t expect too much from your baby.
Find out more
- Parentline Plus
www.parentlineplus.org.uk
0808 800 2222
- ParentLine Scotland
www.parentlinescotland.org.uk
0808 800 2222
- Parents Advice Centre (Northern Ireland)
www.parentsadvicecentre.org
0808 8010 722
- Babycare Week by Week: The First Six Months by Alison Mackonochie (£14.99, Collins)
- Silent Nights: How to Develop a Peaceful Sleeping Routine by Pat Spungin (£9.99, Prentice Hall Life)
- Now read our features How to help your baby sleep, Make your home child-safe and Why smacking doesn't work
Words: Eileen Hayes MBE. Pictures (posed by models): Masterfile, Getty
Print this article >
Save this article >
Send this article >
Facebook >
