The first days with your newborn baby
Wondering how you’ll cope when you and your newborn baby get home from hospital? We’ve got lots of helpful tips and advice for new parents
Having a new baby is exciting and for most parents it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to them, but it can also be a time of anxiety, especially during the first few weeks. Relationships change and there’s a shift in family dynamics, whether it’s your first baby or a new sibling for older kids. Whatever your situation, we’re here to help with those early days.
Great beginnings
Make the most of the first few minutes, hours and days with your new baby. This time is special and nature provides the ‘love hormones’ needed to get bonding off to a great start. “I got a rush of amazing love as soon as my son was born,” says Charlie, mum of Zach, 2 months. “I burst into tears as I was so excited to finally meet him and relieved that he was safe.“I persevered with breastfeeding even though it was really hard work, as it made me feel so close to Zach. I’m still doing it a bit now although he has bottles too as he wasn’t getting enough to eat — I just don’t want to let that connection go yet.”
Don’t worry if the first few days are especially hard because of a difficult birth or because your baby needs special care. You can have those special moments and feelings a bit later and still establish that important bond with your baby.“After my emergency caesarean, Bradley was in the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) for two weeks as he was early and very small,” remembers Jackie, mum of Bradley, now 3, and Ethan, 8 months. “The unit was brilliant — my husband Paul and I could visit as much as we wanted but could only cuddle him for a few minutes as he was in a closed incubator.
“After four days Bradley went into an open incubator and we could cuddle him for half an hour at a time, and I visited three times a day to help with feeds. I just made the most of every moment I could touch him and we bonded fine.
“Paul left work early every day that Bradley was in the SCBU and would come with me for the final feed of the day, otherwise he worried that he would miss out on those early weeks. Once we took Bradley home, he took a week off work to help out and spend time with his son.”
Learning about each other
Babies are born wanting to communicate with their parents, so try and relax and follow your baby’s lead. A stressed baby might yawn, sneeze or change colour, and a baby wanting to play may be calm and looking around. Try to find some relaxed, peaceful time to just watch your baby and learn what his signals mean.
Eileen Hayes MBE
NSPCC parenting advisor and mum of four
Expert tips
- Sight Your baby will love gazing at your face and can see it clearly, even though further-away images are a bit fuzzy. Try holding a brightly coloured mobile or a contrasting black and white picture for your baby to watch (at about 20-25 centimetres).
- Hearing Babies can hear before they are born, and recognise Mum and Dad’s voices by turning towards them soon after birth. Try cooing and singing softly to your baby when he makes sounds.
- Listening and talking Right from the start use a loving, positive tone. You might instinctively use ‘baby talk’, which babies love in any language, as your exaggerated manner helps them learn words more easily. Try reading baby books, singing nursery rhymes or just giving your baby a running commentary of what you’re doing.
- Touch Babies are extra sensitive to touch, especially around their mouths. Loving touch is an important part of building a baby’s self-esteem. Try baby massage, or gentle stroking and cuddling.
- Smell and taste Babies recognise the unique smell of their own mother’s milk and prefer sweet tastes like breast milk.
Celebrate differences
All babies arrive with their own personalities. Some are placid and easy-going, others are sensitive and easily startled. Some love being cuddled by relatives, others hate it. Some love splashing in the bath, others don’t enjoy it until they’re older.Anna, mum of Maisie, 21 months, agrees, “Until we had our own we thought babies were all much of a muchness – how wrong can you be? They have huge personalities from day one! We felt really overwhelmed as we suddenly realised we were entirely responsible for another person's life, but it’s all worth it for one beaming smile or a belly laugh.”
Some babies have special needs and may require extra hard work from parents, but remember to always celebrate your baby’s unique characteristics and try not to compare him to others.
Coping with crying
Crying is your baby’s main language at the beginning – it’s his way of communicating with you and not naughtiness. Babies cry in order to let parents know they need something – like feeding, a sleep or a nappy change. He might also be bored and want some attention.
“Finley is cute and of course I love him, but he cries and whinges a lot, and wants attention all the time,” admits Becci, mum of Jack, 3, and Finley, 10 months. “He doesn’t want me to leave him. I stroke his tummy or hair during the night, but I try not to pick him up so he’ll learn to settle himself.”
Babies never cry to annoy you or because they’re ‘spoiled’, and you can’t spoil a baby by responding to cries. Comfort your baby as soon as possible, as this helps him to feel safe and loved and grow into a confident, secure child.
Great ways to comfort your baby
- All sucking — fingers, dummies, at the breast
- Massage can relax babies and parents and help reduce crying
- Movements — car rides, being pushed in a buggy, rocking
- Cuddles and stroking
- All kinds of music and sounds
If your baby cries a lot it can be exhausting, but remember that crying is meant to sound stressful so that parents will respond. If it does start to feel overwhelming you may need help and support — see our feature on coping with a crying baby for more tips and advice.
Find out more
- CRY-SIS
www.cry-sis.org.uk
Helpline: 0207 404 5011
- International Association of Infant Massage
www.iaim.org.uk
- Crying and Comforting by Eileen Hayes (£5.99, Dorling Kindersley)
- Teach yourself Baby Massage and Yoga by Anita Epple and Pauline Carpenter (£8.99, Hodder Education)
- Now read our features How to... communicate with your baby, "My baby just won't stop crying", How to massage your baby, Could my child have a disability?, Baby bonding for mums and Baby bonding for dads
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