"My baby just won't stop crying"
How would you cope if your baby cried constantly? Alison, mum of four-month-old Lizzie, takes our challenge to tackle the problem in just 2 weeks
The problem
Alison says: “Lizzie suffered from terrible colic and she cried a lot right from the start. But even when the colic ended, the crying didn’t. Everyone else seems to have lovely, gurgling, contented babies, while mine screams and grizzles — it makes me feel like a total failure. I need help!”
Eileen Hayes MBE
NSPCC parenting advisor and mum of four
The advice
- Make some quiet time
It’s easy for babies to become over-stimulated then overtired, so try to introduce calm periods during the day. - Write a crying diary
Writing down exactly when the crying starts, how long it lasts and what helps or makes it worse, means that you can see if there’s a pattern. In some cases, it even helps parents realise that it’s not as bad as they thought. - Start a routine
Alison didn’t have much routine to the day, and I felt that regular naps would put Lizzie in a better mood. It’s good to put the baby to bed in the same place, so it’s associated with sleep. Talking in a sing-song voice can help set the tone too. - Try a comforter
Lizzie needs lots of sucking, which she has at the breast. I suggested trying her thumb, a dummy or comforter to help her settle herself. - Create some ‘Me’ time
It’s really important to take some time for yourself, preferably while your partner or a friend or relation looks after the baby. I encouraged Alison to do this, even if it’s only once a week.
Here's how they got on
Alison’s diary
DAY ONE: A calming influence
I spoke to Eileen for the first time today and felt very reassured. It’s good to know I’m not the only one with a crying baby.
The five tips were a lot to take in, but I started putting them into practice straight away. I think Eileen’s right that I’m trying too hard with Lizzie, attempting to entertain her all day. So now, as well as playing with toys, I’ve introduced quiet times when we look at a book or sing gentle nursery rhymes — and we’ve both been much calmer!
DAY THREE: Getting into a routine
I’ve been trying to follow Eileen’s advice on routines and daytime naps. I haven’t managed to put Lizzie in her cot awake, but she nods off happily in the buggy or on my tummy, which I’m happy with for now.
I tried to keep the crying diary as I think it’s a good idea, but I found that it didn’t work for me. I didn’t seem to have the energy, and half the time I forgot to write anything down. So I’ve given up on that.
DAY FIVE: Taking time out
I’m feeling really positive, as I’ve managed to get out of the house and go for a run twice over the last couple of days! I haven’t taken any time for myself for months, and even though I couldn’t run for toffee I felt much better for trying. When you’re a mum, you’re always putting your baby — and everyone else in the family — first, because you think you should. But now I see that I need to look after myself, too.
I’ve also got Lizzie a comforter, a bit of cloth with a teddy bear head, and I’m trying to get her used to that. I put it next to me while I’m breastfeeding so that it smells of me, and then pop it into bed with Lizzie at bedtime, and it’s working really well.
DAY SEVEN: Seeing a pattern
I’ve really started to realise that Lizzie’s moods are not random, as I used to think, but a direct result of how much sleep she’s had. Now I know she needs two to three hours during the day, as well as a good night, otherwise she’s really grizzly and grumpy. So I’ve been focusing on making sure she gets this.
She also loves being around other babies, and seems to be more contented when she’s out and about with lots of people around.
DAY TEN: A positive outcome
Over the past ten days, things have really turned around. Lizzie is definitely crying a lot less and has been quite cheerful for the last few days, which is fantastic.
My own attitude has also improved — I don’t take the crying personally any more and I feel more confident in myself. My advice to other mums would be “hang on in there”. There are no magic quick fixes, but gradually the situation does improve. I’m much more positive now and I’m sure that things will continue to get better.
The results
Eileen says: I’m absolutely delighted with Alison and Lizzie’s progress in such a short space of time. Knowing your own baby is very important, and I think that a huge amount of their success is due to the fact that Alison is more tuned in to Lizzie, and recognises when she’s tired or has had enough. Now Alison will be more able to focus on the good times and get over difficulties.
Find out more
- If you're worried about a child's safety or welfare or if you need help or advice, ring the NSPCC Child Protection Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk.
- Cry-sis
www.cry-sis.org.uk
08451 228 669
- National Childbirth Trust
www.nct.org.uk
0870 444 8707
- Crying and Comforting by Eileen Hayes (£5.99, Dorling Kindersley)
- Now watch our short film "Help! My baby bites and scratches"
Get involved
If you have a parenting problem and would like to take part in ‘Challenge Family’ contact us.
“To soothe your crying baby, try hanging a wind chime in every room. The tinkling sound will distract and calm them.”
Kelly, mum of a 6-month-old baby
Print this article >
Save this article >
Send this article >
Facebook >
